This was oneof the nice one for parents

Pruning and preening your teen

Alvina Clara, July 27, 2013:

PARENTING TEENS

Teenage kids have enough of their own problems, even without your badgering and finger-wagging at them, writes Alvina Clara.

Teens of today have an unspoken message for their parents: “If you’ve got resolutions, we’ve got rebellion. If you’ve got arguments, we’ve got attitude!” What a paradox the life of teenagers is... These individuals are neither kids nor adults!

In the maze phase of life, teens undergo a sort of elaborate spasmic jig of exhilarated and exhausted feelings all at once. The teen transition phase in every child’s life is very chaotic and often drains parents trying to deal with them on a daily basis. The teens live at a very superficial level, succumb easily to bad peer pressure and are not able to accurately distinguish between right or wrong.

From the other end, the television and internet expose them to a whole different “glam” world. All around them, the media is subtly preaching that it is okay to do anything that makes you feel good. You are “cool” only if you have the latest gadgets, and dress like an icon to grab attention. The shows on television for this age group say all is fair in teenage - be it bullying, vulgar or skimpy dressing, premarital sex, violent behaviour, breaking rules, drug addiction. This leads to a trapped labyrinth that manifests into rebellious or aggressive behaviours that defy all odds.

Parenting teens, as taxing as it might be, needs a paradigm shift. Easy said than done, parents need to strike the right balance. For starters, complaining less and being more involved with them yourself might help. Emphasising the dos instead of the don’ts must be top on parent’s list. Here are ways to understand teens from their perspectives:

Coming to terms with their body

The angelic appearance of childhood gone, they are looking at strangers in the mirror: gawky, lopsided limbs, facial hair, pubic hair, and acne to mention a few. The hormone changes in the body make them fidgety, moody and irritated.

In search of their own identity

Teens struggle to find their own place in the society, to be recognized by peers and accepted for what they are. They are very bothered about the labels they might get - “nerd”, “geek”, “gossip girl”, “tomboy”, “pimply”, and the likes... There is a lot of insecurity and anxiety resulting from such social acceptance issues.

Tangled in the social media web

Teenagers are tied to three lifelines - the internet, cell phone, and television. On the social front, a new and tantalizing horizon opens up - dating, partying, hanging out with friends, vying for attention, amid constant distractions caused media, music, and internet relationships.

Neglecting health for “beauty”

The eating habits of most teens are erratic and unmonitored. The girls are follow crash diets, developing an anorexic look (to be popular) and the boys stuff themselves with unwholesome, fatty, high calorie junk food. Teen health is at high risk and it’s no wonder that this generation now is the victim of every obvious health problem.

Unstable emotions

It is a phase of chaos in scheduling, prioritizing, achieving, fulfilling parental expectations and conforming to peers’ expectations. The teen is unable to effectively handle all this under considerable emotional pressure. This is reflected in mood swings, from aggression to depression right down to a complete breakdown of the individual.

Peer pressure

Teens, to be accepted among peers, feel the need to become more trendy. The most immature and easy way out could lead them to other problems like formation of unacceptable habits, substance abuse, getting into trouble with the law.