Mary Chelladurai, July 6, 2013, DHNS:
SHOWPIECE BAROMETER
A proud mother with her nose high in the air, pronounces “95.4%!” to all and sundry around her and commands her daughter to open her mouth (“Ah!”) and is just about to stuff a laddoo into her mouth. Just then another father hops in, snatches that laddoo and pronounces “95.5%!” and commands his son to open his mouth (“Ah!”). Yet another haughty mother joins the club, seizes the laddoo, declares “96%!” and finally stuffs the by-now-very-tired-laddoo into her son’s mouth.
Well if you are wondering what this is, it’s a commercial, that airs on our Indian television, for an online tutorial agency. A mad ad, to be more precise. But hats off to the impeccable imitation of the modern day Indian parental scenario!
The urge to 'display' their offsprings is typically peculiar to Indian parents. Earlier, it was as simple as a rendition of the classic 'twinkle, twinkle little star' at a social gathering. Now it's posting a compendium of photographs of everything from just-born to the first piano recital at school. India children have the highest display value and 'performing' kids are always a source of pride for their parents. Guess we should be grateful that we haven’t yet put price tags on our kids.
In our country, it has got nothing to do with the kids and everything to do with their parents. Parents constantly need to feel one up the other, and make their children the vessels that carry their pride. They exhibit their children to the world, making show-pieces of their living, moving, and thinking children. Do they see their children as free individuals wanting to grow in their own space? Or do they only believe them to be pots of unmolded clay and they as potters take it upon themselves to shape them in whatever way it pleases their own ego?
Let the show begin!
Start with the silver lining clouds of hospitals. The show well begins from here. The to-be mother proudly boasts of the pricey hospital she has booked herself in. The hospitals that “specialize” in delivering babies boast of “motherhood care”, and a single glance at their bank balance is enough to show that it works for them; they know the public’s mindset. They even give an aiding nurse to help you with babycare for the first ten days, and the whopping bill for all this can feed hundreds of hungry young children!
Downright exhibitionism
There is pomp in the display of everything, right down to the “best diapers” used for the baby. The “modern” parents these days believe that the most expensive diapers will keep the baby comfortable. But the truth is far from it. It is a known fact, atleast among the older generations, that cloth nappies are more comfortable and cause lesser rashes than diapers. Despite being warned of this, the new-age parents stick to the pricey diapers nevertheless. What else is this, if not another form of parental flauntism?
Pseudo-elevation
If there is one set of people who can make you feel incapable or incomplete, better than the advertisers do with their products, it is Indian parents! It is not uncommon to see parents fussing over their children for admission into some international school. An international school, where the child shall be taught French and German instead of our Indian regional languages. But pray that the child gets through the admission, lest (s)he “bring shame to the parents” by not being “good enough”. “Good enough” for what? For learning a fancy foreign language? Or for the admission? Or maybe the parents’ ego?
Selfless parents. Really?
“I do so much for you, son. And all you can manage is a B-grade!” Now, what part of this is selfless? Indian parents often try to induce guilt in their children by saying they do a lot for kids and only expect good grades in return. What are they saying! That should the grades be bad, then their children won’t get their due love from parents? That they should score good grades to please their parents who “do so much” for them? Children are only just beginning to see the world, and their parents are already burdening them with “you-owe-your-parents-atleast-get-good-grades” responsibility! What makes them think that the child is old enough to take on this kind of pressure?
Parenting or coaching?
Parents may, many a times, feel inadequate with their parenting role. But how many of them take some time off to relook at their parenting style? Are they truly parenting? Or are they merely being the tough coach? While being the tough coach is essential, there is a dire need to remember that they are parents first. The child sees them as much, and expects a kind and approachable parent; not someone who will yell and bring down the house for not getting good enough grades! Are our Indian parents assuming they are “doing it all for the child’s good”? Reality check. The kid doesn’t even know why or how to “feel shame” for being second; it’s only the parents’ own ego at stake and they are teaching the kid to feel low about it!
Toddlers or gizmo-nuzzlers?
“You know I picked up this iPod for my daughter; does your little one know to use this? Of course, even as young as a year she started playing with this! Actually it is said that smart kids pick up things very quickly.”
Yes, and this mother doesn’t seem to know that her toddler might also be picking up eyesight problem very quickly.
“I’m sending my son for horse-riding classes. He can be a polo player some day! Isn’t that just great?”
Yes, and this fancy-pants lady doesn’t seem to be aware that her son might not even like a horse, let alone ride it, or be a polo player!
Ask these parents and they will vow by the commercial that blares “Tayyari jeet ki (Preparation for success)”. Assuming that their kids do not know what they are interested seems to be the norm for these parents! Their kids are empty vessels waiting to be filled with some exotic dish their parents fancy...
The “Gen-Y and Gen-Z” parents are so determined to have their children succeed in any and every platform possible, that they are forgetting that their kids are individuals with thinking and emotional capacity. They have unfortunately turned children into a barometer of parental success in the world. It’s high time parents look into themselves and understand that while bringing up children might be their responsibility, children are nevertheless separate individual human beings who have their own say in this world. Of course, it is natural to want your child to be successful and happy; just think twice before pushing over your own idea of success and happiness to them. Don’t try to build your kids a jetpack; just nudge them to use their own wings.
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